Real Newspaper headlines:
– Giant Snail Shuts Down Tassie Port
  Townsville (Queensland) Austrilia
– Boy Trapped Inside His Own Body Gets £3.3m
  Wolverhampton Express & Star
– God Gets A Parking Caution: “No Exceptions” Say Police
  York & District Advertiser
– Ducks Banned From Duck Pond
– Enraged Cow Injures House
– Golfers Warned Not To Lick Balls
  BBC Teletext News
– Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax