31 Dec 2009

Loving Like There Is No Tomorrow!

Oh Frank, how do I love thee? How do I begin to count the ways!!!

Ag man! The way his smile takes over his whole face when he sees me, his eyes so wide and shiny with such happiness he always looks close to tears, my heart feels such an intense squeeze it actually hurts! As if that isn’t overwhelming enough he throws his arms around me and hugs me into him and rocks me with so much heart, with so much love and happiness, as if this could be our last hug, and we don’t let go for ages, just soaking it all up, because I feel exactly the same way.

If there was one thing I hoped with all my heart to learn on this trip, one thing I was grappling with, trying to make sense of through the changes, it was to truly feel and understand real compassion, real love, so I can be sure I am living my life in love, with a wide open heart, so I can be sure I surround myself with people who know love. I had no idea I was about to receive more than I know what to do with, but I’m taking it all in anyway, being so blessed to be around three truly incredible, loving human beings the past few days – Brett, Frank and Sinta. Oh Sinta… what love, what a beacon to me! More about her to come in another post.

Frank truly lives in the moment. Unlike other people, myself included, who try very hard to live this way, it is the only way he knows how to live. I believe this is why he is always smiling, always living with such gratitude for life. Deciding to go for a meal together is never that simple. Sometimes hours can go by as he recants stories, accompanies them with endless songs, hugs everyone dear to him, greets every new face he sees and draws them in, and so I always make sure to pack a snack. Because of Frank, I am already starting to live this way too, feel it coming out of me with such ease, shedding the hasty way I lived before, uncovering who I really want to be.

Outside of family hugs which are just so awesome, no man yet has hugged me the way Frank does. It feels like family. It feels like admiration, it feels like respect, and most of all, he makes me feel completely cherished. Anyone who knows me incredibly well knows that at all times of the day I’m thinking about 5 or 6 different things at the same time, often contrasting, constantly figuring stuff out, what it all means, and I think he sees that. Because he will come up to me smiling, put his warm palms on the sides of my head and softly rub my forehead with his thumb while looking at me as if he is about to giggle at how silly it is that I would be standing there looking so perplexed, thinking so hard, about what? And the moment he does that I laugh, every thought suspended there just lets go, to fall away forever. There is no resisting the softness of that moment… I completely let go.

When the three of us part our ways onto new horizons in a few days, I will miss them so much. Uhh! These amazing men. Real men. I have mountains of admiration and respect for them. Their presence will be missed until I see them again, but they will be with me everywhere I go, along the Appalachian Trail, to Sierra Leone, in the back of my mind with every healthy choice I make, in every new way I love. The standard I will not be able to help but measure all men to from now on. As it should be.

And so yesterday as I said goodbye to Brett and Frank as they left for an unforgettable Big Bend river rafting adventure of awesome male bonding together, I hugged them both as if it could be for the last time. Because of what Frank has showed me without realising, and shared with me about unexpected loss in his own life, I will always hug everyone I love this way from now onwards, with wide open arms and all my heart in it, because it could be for the last time. It really could. I would always want our last memory to be love love love.

Here is some classic Frank. A few months ago, minus his massive beard. Watch JoJo!!! Hilarious!

Singing “Stand by Me” to my dear frien Old Jo Jo.
“Here ,….I was driving through Religh in the NW of Florida, and saw this caracter just watching as the afternoon went by. Why not? So I decided to stop and talk to him for a little bit, and it turn out be an experience never to be forgotten. Those are the magig events of life!!!”

AAAAAAAA!!!! I love him!


  • Ms. Wakame
    January 6, 2010 Reply

    Oh I just realised, you thought I met Frank in Terlingua! There’s an earlier post where I mentioned we met him in Big Bend, and had been travelling with him ever since. He’s also a vagabond… doing nothing but travel from here on.

  • Ms. Wakame
    January 4, 2010 Reply

    Hahahaha! I love how you put that, and yes, I agree. I can see myself living there for up to a year. Longer than that could suck me into a vortex, and I have got to keep moving!

  • Karen
    January 2, 2010 Reply

    Don’t you love that Terlingua is populated with such people? I knew you would find people there to love and to heal you. I have seriously considered that you should move to Terlingua.

  • Olivia Meiring
    December 31, 2009 Reply

    He's so lovely

  • Beverley Hissam
    December 31, 2009 Reply

    Beautiful…. Beautiful!!Sounds like you have made a TRUE Friend…Love the video!

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