Pittsburgh, my original US ‘hometown’. Today I’m working from Crazy Mocha on Ellsworth Avenue, like old times. Sitting at my favourite table right by the window, people watching, like old times. Except this time I wont be going grocery shopping and then back home afterwards to think up what to make for dinner for the family and read bedtime stories afterwards. The house where we lived is just down a narrow side street I can see from this window. This time I’m walking back in the sunshine to Morgan’s seemingly non-stop-fun-house where I now live, and plan to live with her for a few more weeks of golden Pittsburgh summer. Saving up a bit for this ‘home’ wherever it is. Until the next place I live. Everything’s exactly the same around here as I remember yet completely different, and amazingly, in a really happy way. I don’t have limited time alone to do whatever I want whenever I want. I have all the time in the world. I’m as free as a bird, and having a lot more fun in Pittsburgh than I ever remember. Being alone is not the same as lonely. It is incredibly liberating. It amazes me how afraid I was for all my life to be alone.

Given the choice back then to have what I have now, I highly doubt I would have traded it for the freedom I have now, because I loved my family. But in a lot of ways, even though I bucked and fought in the beginning to keep the relationship intact, losing everything was the best thing for me. I can’t complain, I am blessed! Whenever I lose something precious, eventually it works out that there was something better waiting for me. I think this is the same for everyone, we just usually don’t notice it.

Everything is going to work out fine. It has been all along. I am so grateful for my blanket of friends that have carried me through some really tough times, and for every golden opportunity I have been given along the way in this life.

I am so happy to be alive. I really hope I get to hang out on earth a good few more years! If we don’t blow it all up.