For a while now I have been wondering why I’m still in Portland during this time of great change, and not in Peru or Mexico… but I felt something assuring me that I’m in the right place at the right time, and not to move, but to be patient and find out. Well I just got accepted last minute onto a Vipassana 10-day silent retreat, so now I know.
I applied months ago despite the fact that it was fully booked with a long waiting list because I had a feeling I’d get in if I really wanted it, despite the obvious setback. So I leave on Friday and will be living in silence until the first day of 2013 — throughout the whole Mayan Calendar changeover. This course is something I’ve been interested in doing since way back when I lived in England, but I never felt I could actually do it without going crazy. I can be such a busy person, super chatty, always going from one fun thing to the next so as to never get bored. And this is 10 days, no communication, no hugs or kisses or any physical contact of any kind, no reading or writing, no phone-calls or internet, no sugar or alcohol, no self-healing Reiki even, no distractions of any kind to escape the crazy mental chatter. And waking up at 4am to meditate around 10 hours a day when I like to get up at noon and can barely sit still enough to meditate for half an hour. Its not that I feel more ready for it now, its more that I feel its crunch time. Time to face the inner workings of my mind that block me from true happiness, with no escape, deal with the craziness and break through to my true peaceful nature. For some reason I’m not afraid of what I will find lurking in my mind at all whereas years ago I really was. I want to release a lot of stuff that has dominated my life and this seems like an intensive, no-turning back way to do it. So that’s where I’m going to be disappearing for a while, and the rest of the world will party on.
I hope that you and everyone you love, wherever in the world they may be throughout this period of change, finds an unshakable peace, the freedom it brings and unlocks the unlimited love potential within… each of us in our own funny little ways of getting there. Have a wonderful, blessed Solstice!
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