10 Jun 2013

The Perfect Body Stereohype

I had noticed, though not paid much attention to this new fashion trend for women — no longer being pressured to look thin, but to have perfect cyborg bodies as if they were top athletes. Except that they’re not. To me its just another form of INTENSE pressure and control directed at women by the media and even fostered and encouraged by other women who do it, under the guise that “I will become more physically powerful and sexually appealing”.

I used to spend a lot of my energy and attention on trying to look and be perfect because that’s what my partners in the past were convinced by the media they deserve in a girlfriend, that’s what they wanted, I wanted them to be happy, and if they can’t have what they want I was worried they would get distracted by someone who has all that and stray. Well, there will ALWAYS be someone who walks into the room with a more perfect body, a prettier face, better abs, more youthful, more intriguing no matter WHAT you do. So if the partner I’m with isn’t into me mostly for the inner qualities of who I am, the magic we are together and where I’m headed, then he’s DESTINED to get distracted and stray eventually. In my experience these types of men (and women) ALWAYS DO STRAY, no matter how much effort is put in to try to be ideal for them. Not to mention that with all that focus on you having to look perfect, we never stopped to notice that perhaps our partner didn’t deserve us to begin with, even at our most natural and ordinary. Especially at our most natural and real. What sort of effort were they putting in for you? Or were they happy your attention was distracted so they didnt have to work on themselves? I started noticed that… and really woke up to it.

So I don’t buy into this body beautiful crap anymore. I let my natural underarm hair finally grow like it always wanted to. I barely wear makeup anymore except for fun. I dont try to moderate my laugh or my voice. Although I take care of body as the precious vessel it is, there are so many things I dont bother with anymore and my partner ADORES this. He’s loving witnessing the process of my unfurling into true authentic beingness and reveling in it. I don’t invest my spending money on clothes, I rarely buy them and often second-hand… they’re not fashionable at all but I feel they are cute or sassy or representative of how I feel inside at the time I get them. I wear what Im feeling inside each day, or throw something on rather than worry too much that it could be unflattering. No more endless energy directed at a situation destined to fail — ultimately it was attracting partners who are only in alignment with a perfect body trophy girlfriend. God its so boring! Not to mention how repressed sex feels and IS when you’re anxious the whole time your partner is going to be concerned about or put off by the stretchmarks or fat tummy and stray hairs and the things you might hide from most people. I don’t hide it anymore for anyone and as a result attracted a partner who didnt want me to hide anymore. The point is to LET GO — and to do that you have to stop caring about that stuff to be partnered with someone who doesn’t either, who loves you for YOU as you love them. Or to be single and loving you for you too. To let go to the point where there is nothing left but the real you, the you you never thought you’d dare to be.

To me there is nothing more beautiful than totally natural, no makeup, soft and wobbly or sweet and skinny –whatever your natural state– HEALTHY radiant beingness! Its raw, its confident and its sexy! All that comes from a healthy natural diet, daily exercise that happens to be built into your lifestyle like walking everywhere, and biking, and swimming in the ocean and rock climbing… instead of degrading hamster treadmills and exercise bikes and weights and pools and mirrors and all that militant, narcissistic perfectionist crap. I DIG and surround myself with women and men who are strong enough to be completely vulnerably naturally themselves, hairy and emotional and honest without all the costume and drama. Beautiful people of all ages with all body types at different stages and sizes who are so comfortable in their being they are happy to be naked around each other because they feel safe and unjudged. I’m very blessed to be surrounded these days by amazing, wonderful, REAL people. All the makeup and splendour is ultimately distraction from the real person underneath. Sure makeup and costume is fun for events and entertaining and has its place (it really does! It can be magical!! and awe-inspiring), but as a daily state of being, the costume and drama isn’t for me anymore. I don’t want to hide anymore.

You are beautiful, and handsome and GORGEOUS, even MORE so the more you shed of the costume – the more real you get. The more layers that shed away the more your glow shines through. Realness is SEXY. The strongest and most desirable people I know are the most raw, the most vulnerable, with the least distractions. And those people have the most liberated experiences of all the people I know.

I read this article earlier that brought up all these thoughts that I just shared, though on a different track…


  • Juanita
    September 17, 2013 Reply

    What a beautiful point of view. I like the way you said “let it go” and clearly not to be confused with “let yourself go”. To let yourself go is to not take care of yourself, but clearly what you describe is taking good care of yourself, attaining emotional fitness on body image. We can take good care of ourselves in ways that suits us and not what other people think should suit us. I have never liked wearing makeup or nylons (two big things that never happened for me), but I do love fashion for expression and I do love occasional pink lip balm and I love dressing up, but I will never look like a barbie doll and when I try that, I don’t look good, nor do I feel good. The best compliments I have gotten were when I was just myself and feeling good. Exercise outside is important. Having fun is what counts, otherwise if its too much of a chore you eventually quit. Find a fitness routine that is sustainable. It is all about health and happiness.

  • } bird {
    June 20, 2013 Reply

    Wow, thank you Ping Fu! That is such a lovely compliment coming from a talented and published writer <3

  • Ping Fu
    June 10, 2013 Reply

    Totally agree with you bird, I also find being natural more attractive. Thank you for responding to my comment. Your writing style is lovely and natural.

  • Ping Fu
    June 10, 2013 Reply

    Yes, authenticity is the most lovely thing. I would want to be a bit more inclusive, makeup or not, dress up or not, both are OK, we do it because it makes us feel good, or because we want to add color to the environment. I must admit, I do like to watch people in Europe or in New York more because people are more fashionable and interesting to watch. In that sense, I really don’t mind if people dress up and put on makeup. The world needs variety. We just don’t need it for self worth, we do it to be giving. Self-confidence and giving can co-exist.

    • } bird {
      June 10, 2013 Reply

      Well put Ping Fu! I wish I had written it more inclusively because I totally stand by and love variety in people! I was using things like dress up and makeup to try to measure up in the past, but it never sat right with me. I do still dress up and wear make up once in a whole for fun, and if I was an entertainer I’d do it a lot more often. There are all kinds of beauty, and just because I’m only talking about the natural kind, it doesn’t exclude the kind that comes from putting on a costume to wow and amaze. Its just my personal preference that gravitates towards the more natural, in men and women 🙂

  • Rod MacKenzie
    June 10, 2013 Reply

    Thanks Olivia, will post this link to my wiseguYs FB PAGE

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