Sometimes my gut instincts dont kick in too early, you know, the heady days of being in love and might only start to show up after a year. Ive even been in love for years with someone before and didnt see it. But then you do eventually, sometimes after a long investment. It is possible to have the instinct that you could be with this person for the rest of your life, that it is actually glued together enough to be a long long loooong road… but at the same time feeling that being with that person is not good for you. And after a lot of years it just gets harder to leave as the loss appears to be greater with every month.

Though the reality often is, that the loss was only in spending away the short time we have left with the wrong person and that a full life is immediately gained and felt after full release.

So if you have a gut feeling or things start going wrong at the very beginning of things and you just know in your heart and soul that this is going no place good for you there is no shame in cutting your losses there and then or even at any point and walking back up the road instead of getting stuck in a self perpetuating feedback loop.

Slightly different but kind of feeding into your computer metaphor I have been watching these on BBC 2 – sooooo geeky philosphical but really interesting ideas. Here is the link on BBC Iplayer – hope you are able to access somehow and the speeds are fast enough.

Hope all is going well now that you are back in Nicaragua : )
Much love, as always
Bronnie

Just so you are aware, this post wasnt about knocking people who stick through long term relationships. All long term relationships WILL have their issues, absolutely guaranteed. But some have more than plenty even early on and it can turn into a sick relationship. Where we can’t seem to break free due to very dodgy weighing up of the issues that defies all reason and has little to do with real love but can create the illusion of something worth saving. Sometimes its pride and fear of loss that drives us to continue. I’ve been in more long-term many-year relationships than short ones. Although its very easy for me to quit a project Ive invested a lot into or even a job when I see the pointlessness, I have in the past allowed my pride, fear of being alone and/or faulty reasoning to keep certain relationships going.

I wanted to make note of it, say it out loud, so that I cant so easily hide the truth from myself in future.

Computer metaphors are an overly simplistic (and also over used) to even come near to describing the human psyche we are so much more beautiful and complicated than the machines so I will use the EtchaSketch (sp?) one.

What kind of picture is made/ built up if we decide to shake it clear every time the turn of that little knob makes the line not quite go where we expect/ want it to go sometimes a more beautiful whole picture is created from the unexpected, the mistakes, the sticking with it.

With love,
Bronnie