I’m just noticing that I don’t recognise my life at all anymore. Nothing feels familiar about it. At all… like I’m living a totally alternate ‘what if’ life.

Every day I face new opportunities that could be viewed as huge and sometimes unacceptable challenges to my old ways of thinking. Some of them are my dream and fantasy situations, some of them are my partner’s, all of them come to reality almost as soon as we voice them, because one of us jumps in with no looking back followed by the other. None of them are practical in ways that fit into life in a neat and easy way. I notice my mind resisting a lot, then my heart opens, the pain and discomfort goes away and is replaced by new joys and a connectedness that I never imagined possible… then my mind rewires to a totally new way of thinking and I go through a few emotionally jumbled days during which something else challenging and amazing happens.

I’m trying to figure out if the discomfort I’m feeling is because of the lack of familiarity and perceived control for my mind to take ease in or if its my inner guide voicing that I’m living out of alignment with my true self. It is interesting living the ‘what if’ scenario life with another who asks the same questions and dives in with me. Its been amazing facing some of my deepest fears head on to see who I really am underneath the ideas of who I should be, or who my partner should be, or what our relationship should be.

I sometimes wonder whether this course I’m on is sustainable. I keep on trusting my open heart in the mean time and believe that no matter what it leads me through, its for my best development. And I hope that also in some way it is contributing to the liberation of all of us.