My secret to happiness in the moment
Normally I don’t post personal stuff but then I thought it might help just one other person. In the last few days I stumbled upon a realisation so obvious I’m amazed I could never quite grasp it before. Here in America where I now live, we are encouraged to believe “You can have it all. You owe it to yourself. ” Think about what those little phrases mean – how deeply ingrained they are in so many cultures. Think about how measuring yourself up against this ‘requirement to happiness’ affects your daily satisfaction levels…
It’s so tempting to peek over the peeling picket fence to the neighbours velvety green lawn and feel disappointed with where we’ve personally gotten to and wish we were somewhere else entirely. I guess coming here to the Land of Opportunity, I felt I should measure myself against this mark that so many Americans live by. I was hitting myself in the face with personal dissatisfaction almost daily… it was a shock to my system, because I didn’t grow up in a culture where I could become accustomed to feeling perpetually dissatisfied and disappointed with where I was. Growing up in South Africa, any measure of success above how the majority of citizens live made me feel good about myself. But here I came to expect to feel like a faliure every morning I woke up, because I didn’t have it all and it seemed like everyone else did.
Then something profound happened to me in the New Year and I almost lost everything I’d worked so hard towards for the last 2 years. And with my 30th hurtling towards me it forced me to re-evaluate where I derive the most pleasure and happiness in life. I thought of those people who I respect the most in this world, who I know have truly followed their hearts and dreams. Every single one of them have focussed on one single thing that their whole life revolves around, and a handful of other things that complement that lifestyle. Some are wealthy as a byproduct of their life’s passions, and others get by on a prayer, but I would consider each of them successful and having it all without having everything. They realised long ago that they didnt want and therefore need everything life had to offer. How watered down their passions and focus would be if they were so busy like the rest of us trying to juggle everything all the time.
There are at least 3 main ages in our lives where we have the opportunity to refocus and try a new direction. And in smaller ways we can make our daily lives more fun and challenging by changing our routines every few weeks, but still supporting the lifestyle that brings us the most happiness.
I believe we can have it all, if thats what we truly want. The secret is in realizing we can’t do it all at the same time. Allow yourself to feel content with what you have right now, and sun yourself in the eternal sunshine glory of that moment. I dare you ;@)
Matt
I may be a little late, but they do say “better late than never”, even if this is more for posterity’s sake. Instead of commenting, I would like to share an email I received from my wife today. I usually delete the bajillion-personned forwards, but this one struck me and feel it only appropriate to post it here… it is called 3900 Saturday Mornings. Sorry it is lengthy…
3900 Saturday Mornings
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it:
I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whom-ever he was talking with something about “a thousand marbles.” I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say
“Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It’s too bad you missed your daughter’s “dance recital” he continued. “Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a “thousand marbles.”
“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.
“Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I’m getting to the important part.
It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail”, he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays.” “I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.”
“Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.
There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”
“Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.”
“It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!”
You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter.
Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. “C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.” “What brought this on?” she asked with a smile. “Oh, nothing special, it’s just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles.
A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend.
And so, as one smart bear once said…”If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” – Winnie the Pooh.
Pass this on to all of your FRIENDS, even if it means sending it to the person that sent it to you.
And if you receive this e-mail many times from many different people, it only means that you have many FRIENDS.
And if you get it but once, do not be discouraged for you will know that you have at least one good friend…
And that would be ME.
Ms. Wakame
I think its the sweetest thing EVER that you have a whole blog dedicated to your girlfriend :@)
chris rhee
Hey Olivia, just wanted to say thanks for dropping that link to my website!
yochad
oops. maybe next time
Ms. Wakame
yay chad! maybe I’ll see you out tonight?
yochad
word.
my happiest moment lately was that i decided to relish the negative temperatures one night while outside smoking a marlboro red. all i could think about was how i wished i was russian and cold all the time. so the paradox is that you can be perpetually dissatisfied by always wanting less than you have, too.
i need to find some way where all i get to eat for the rest of life is nuts, bread and cheese and pears. in that cabin of a place i’d have fires and be happy and entertain myself by seeing how close i could make myself crazy without actually becoming crazy.
on the surface, that sounds silly or trivial, but get close to becoming crazy and in moments of beating silence you realize it’s a thickly serious game.
hmm, however did i get there. anyway, yay, livvy! enjoy life
Ms. Wakame
Thanks dad. It’s definitely on some kind of upswing :@)
dad
love it livs!! your life is exactly where it’s meant to be, because you put yourself there- nothing can be better than that for you!!
nathan
Hey that was a great blog!
olivia
Yay Joe! (did you notice that the deer picture actually lights up? Classic!)
Nathan – you’ll always be a half-full optist :@}
nathan
I personally dig the idea of becoming “accustomed to feeling perpetually dissatisfied” though it can be a drag if you don’t allot some amount of hope and happiness, it can keep you on your toes and always looking for a bit more…
Perhaps that is the American dream at its core, always try for a bit more. Depending on how you approach it, though, it can either be a greed thing or an aspirations thing.
Joe
Olivia, I read it twice. Thank You.
olivia
Thanks Cait. I’m actually amazed anyone read a post that long on this blog. ha ha
Cait
What a lovely post. Glad you learned this so young. Some people never do figure it out.