Yesterday at my request, my sister Nykki drove me out to a long stretch of road, parked on the side and we switched seats. I’ll never forget how we grinned at each other and giggled. For most of my life I had lived with a crushing fear of driving that made me feel powerless and in extreme danger behind the wheel. Even as a passenger I was unbelievably anxious, pushing on the invisible brakes and biting my nails. But yesterday as I sat behind the wheel and adjusted my seat, instead of feeling paralysed behind the wheel I felt tremendous excitement as all my dreams for a travelling future came flooding in, and as I drove off, that excitement was turned into courage and finally control as I turned on winding corners and went up narrow farm roads on steep blind hills. She is the perfect teacher.

I recently lost my little family to a sudden, unexpected and permanent separation. My gorgeous boyfriend and I were together for nearly 5 years and we raised his incredible son together, each year got better than the last, the best times of which for me were spent in the last year adventuring on the road in an RV, and chronicled on tumblewagon.com. I don’t think I will ever fully understand why he stopped believing we could all keep travelling together and make more magic with what we already had built together, but I do understand he felt a strong urge to run away onto a different travelling life, just him and his son, and to have full control at the helm and over his direction. I have no doubt in my mind he will do a beautiful job of it, as he has done with every single thing he has truly wanted with all his heart. Their new travelling website can be found at mosey-ho.me.

The sudden breakup blindsided me and I felt devastasted for quite some time. I ached to my core and longed for my lost boys. But in the recent week I have discovered something beautiful and powerful hidden in the ashes that can’t be destroyed by fire, something that is always there to be found by anyone who is experiencing a huge loss or tragedy in their lives. Once you experience losing what feels like everything dear to you, and you find the courage to stop wailing for a minute to pick yourself up off the ground, you will find you no longer have anything to fear. It’s not that I have nothing left to lose, I value my own life tremendously as well as all the incredible people I am blessed to know and love. I don’t think anyone truly has nothing left to lose if they stop for a second to count their blessings. But honestly, if you know you can survive a tremendous loss and be alone, and still have dreams, and still keep going towards that bright future, what really is a fear of driving when it boils down to it? Or of flying? Or of spiders? How bad can that really be? Here you are, you are still here, and as long as you are here your life will be filled with great potential. My mind has grown tired of obsessing over my old fears like break-ins in the middle of the night, being raped, walking down dark streets in the middle of the night, losing the love of my life. No matter what happens, I’ll still be the same person in spirit, no matter what anyone does, or does to me, I still get to choose what I lose internally and what I believe. I’ll still be alive and still have my dreams, if I choose to have dreams.

It’s really all about what you want, and what you believe you can do, and what you believe you can have. You can never ever have anything you believe is out of your reach, no matter how much you wish for it.

Think about the blind man who hiked Everest. Do you think he thought “I’m blind and could die climbing that mountain. I could never climb it. I hate being blind. My life sucks.” I dont think so. How about, daydreaming endlessly imagining, “Wow! I climbed this insane mountain that only a handfull of people have done before me. I’m on top of the world! It was even more challenging and dangerous doing it blind but that’s awesome!” He is the type of person who thinks well outside of the box, past the limitations, right onto the solutions he needed to achieve his goal. Looking at the problems is a waste of time when you can be looking for solutions. He kept dreaming about it and planning for it, pushing all his energy into it, and one day he just did it. Think about all your greatest heroes and what they did despite the perceived limitations. Where did they focus their attention? Where did they push their energy? We are only, ever, limited by our own beliefs.

We always get what we push our focus and attention towards. It’s whether we have positive thoughts or negative thoughts that determines the outcome.

It works both ways. If you’re obsessing constantly on potential negative outcomes you will always get them. Every time. And also, as the saying goes, “Be careful what you wish for.” and the lesser known ancient arab curse – “May you get everything you wish for.” If you consult your inner wisdom, think clearly and purposefully about what you want and act with kindness, fairness, respect and love towards others, your actions and direction can only come back to bless you. I know the inverse of this very well from painful experience. Although having said that I also know very well that experience teaches us, not knowledge, and it is worth testing out nearly every idea presented in life, like this one if you don’t believe it.

What do you believe you can do? I want to know your dreams and your story.