01 Dec 2009

Eyes On The Prize

Timing is uncanny right now, and as always lately, I have the luck of amazing opportunities and encouragement arising exactly the moments it counts. There is no real void in my life, there is nothing really lacking, as with the abundance of all I am being continually blessed with through so many amazing people, how can I complain? I’ve had a very busy, happy day all day, and it’s been a cosy night with rain plinking on the RV rooftop, hot soup dinners, and home-made sticky oatmeal cookies dipped in tea after milky tea.

But its getting very late and as I start to grow tired and getting into late night cozy mode, my inner strength that I have to focus so hard on at all times, starts to wear thin, as I thought for the first time today how completely isolated and absent my ex and I are from each other. We used to do everything together, played adventurously, loved passionately and worked rarely, together almost 24 hours a day around this little RV I live in. And now, well through my own choices to recover and plenty of his own, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on in his world anymore. Often-times because of his complete and sudden absence, it feels like he died very suddenly without warning, and to add to the horror of that moment I discovered a fistful of love letters hidden in a drawer.

Just as I teetered on the edge of that depressed slump, my friend Brett texted me out of the blue late night, “Don’t be sad. Your dreams are too big.”

That was just the ticket, and right on too. He is unusually perceptive. These dreams of mine are huge, bigger than all that sadness, and they are already falling into place with ease. Here is what I have planned for 2010, and if you’re still following my blog along you’ll get to come along on the adventure! It’s going to be so much fun!

  • obtain a slinky black gypsy cat that loves riding in cars (done!)
  • finally get my drivers license (and possibly a bike license this year too)
  • hang out in Terlingua for a while and get to know the locals at the underground bar La Kiva!
  • soak in some divinely steaming natural hot springs on a freezing cold winters day
  • see the Marfa Lights with my own eyeballs! and go stargazing at the observatory with a friend who’s excitedly nerdy like me
  • hang out with seriously inspiring, adventurous, wise and loving people (they’re gathering all around these days from all across the globe like a wave)
  • save up for, plan for, and thru-hike the entire 2175 mile Appalachian Trail in one go, solo, thereby completing a huge life dream
  • finish the AT in record time so I can go to Burning Man afterwards (Wooh! Only wanted to go for 8 years now)
  • fly out to Sierra Leone and live there for a month helping CDPeace with various reconstruction projects
  • with whatever time is left at the end of the year, if there is any, I will start saving up for a much smaller portable home, more uniquely mine own and mine sewn.
  • and save up a little more for an old trusty bike that will take me on affordable roadtrips, both these last two will set me up for roadtripping again 2011!

So now I’m ready to climb right into that double bed with a big old smile, lie diagonally across it taking up every inch of space like a giant with a little black lump  of a bony cat. Good night :@)

Frolina Tuvalu

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