I used to spend a lot of my energy and attention on trying to look and be perfect because that’s what my partners in the past were convinced by the media they deserve in a girlfriend, that’s what they wanted, I wanted them to be happy, and if they can’t have what they want I was worried they would get distracted by someone who has all that and stray. Well, there will ALWAYS be someone who walks into the room with a more perfect body, a prettier face, better abs, more youthful, more intriguing no matter WHAT you do. So if the partner I’m with isn’t into me mostly for the inner qualities of who I am, the magic we are together and where I’m headed, then he’s DESTINED to get distracted and stray eventually. In my experience these types of men (and women) ALWAYS DO STRAY, no matter how much effort is put in to try to be ideal for them. Not to mention that with all that focus on you having to look perfect, we never stopped to notice that perhaps our partner didn’t deserve us to begin with, even at our most natural and ordinary. Especially at our most natural and real. What sort of effort were they putting in for you? Or were they happy your attention was distracted so they didnt have to work on themselves? I started noticed that… and really woke up to it.

So I don’t buy into this body beautiful crap anymore. I let my natural underarm hair finally grow like it always wanted to. I barely wear makeup anymore except for fun. I dont try to moderate my laugh or my voice. Although I take care of body as the precious vessel it is, there are so many things I dont bother with anymore and my partner ADORES this. He’s loving witnessing the process of my unfurling into true authentic beingness and reveling in it. I don’t invest my spending money on clothes, I rarely buy them and often second-hand… they’re not fashionable at all but I feel they are cute or sassy or representative of how I feel inside at the time I get them. I wear what Im feeling inside each day, or throw something on rather than worry too much that it could be unflattering. No more endless energy directed at a situation destined to fail — ultimately it was attracting partners who are only in alignment with a perfect body trophy girlfriend. God its so boring! Not to mention how repressed sex feels and IS when you’re anxious the whole time your partner is going to be concerned about or put off by the stretchmarks or fat tummy and stray hairs and the things you might hide from most people. I don’t hide it anymore for anyone and as a result attracted a partner who didnt want me to hide anymore. The point is to LET GO — and to do that you have to stop caring about that stuff to be partnered with someone who doesn’t either, who loves you for YOU as you love them. Or to be single and loving you for you too. To let go to the point where there is nothing left but the real you, the you you never thought you’d dare to be.

To me there is nothing more beautiful than totally natural, no makeup, soft and wobbly or sweet and skinny –whatever your natural state– HEALTHY radiant beingness! Its raw, its confident and its sexy! All that comes from a healthy natural diet, daily exercise that happens to be built into your lifestyle like walking everywhere, and biking, and swimming in the ocean and rock climbing… instead of degrading hamster treadmills and exercise bikes and weights and pools and mirrors and all that militant, narcissistic perfectionist crap. I DIG and surround myself with women and men who are strong enough to be completely vulnerably naturally themselves, hairy and emotional and honest without all the costume and drama. Beautiful people of all ages with all body types at different stages and sizes who are so comfortable in their being they are happy to be naked around each other because they feel safe and unjudged. I’m very blessed to be surrounded these days by amazing, wonderful, REAL people. All the makeup and splendour is ultimately distraction from the real person underneath. Sure makeup and costume is fun for events and entertaining and has its place (it really does! It can be magical!! and awe-inspiring), but as a daily state of being, the costume and drama isn’t for me anymore. I don’t want to hide anymore.

You are beautiful, and handsome and GORGEOUS, even MORE so the more you shed of the costume – the more real you get. The more layers that shed away the more your glow shines through. Realness is SEXY. The strongest and most desirable people I know are the most raw, the most vulnerable, with the least distractions. And those people have the most liberated experiences of all the people I know.

I read this article earlier that brought up all these thoughts that I just shared, though on a different track…
http://www.thoughtleader.co.za/bertolivier/2013/06/10/the-cult-of-the-toned-female-body/

This photo was posted on STFU, Conservatives Tumblr page last night. The reason why I’m sharing it is not because of the photo itself (which is epic in it’s own right), but for the comments it generated.

One person wrote, “but then again, its kind like putting a meat suit on and telling a shark not to eat you”.

STFU responded (with bolded text):

“We (men) are not fucking sharks!

We are not rabid animals living off of pure instinct.

We are capable of rational thinking and understanding.

Just because someone is cooking food doesn’t mean you’re entitled to eat it.

Just because a banker is counting money doesn’t mean you’re being given free money.

Just because a person is naked doesn’t mean you’re entitled to fuck them.

You are not entitled to someone else’s body just because it’s exposed.

What is so fucking difficult about this concept?”

Bravo.

credit

Where is the perfect, completely fulfilling marriage? Where are the perfect parents? Where are the kids that weren’t in some way scarred by their parents ideas, politics, fears, social prejudices, guilt? I can only think of two couples that have been passionate about each other for over 2 decades – one of the couples don’t even have sex any more but are best friends and work well together, but that no sex part would seriously suck!!! I’m not built for that level of frustration). And even so, will they all last even further down the line? And what are the chances that I could be one in a 1,000,000 couples that achieves that level of fulfillment and agreement between each other for such a long time? Also, am I being enriched by having various long term relationships with totally different people who bring out different aspects of myself more than I would be in one life-long one with one person?

I keep coming back to the drawing board on this. A huge part of me is hoping to spend my lifetime with The One, you know, the one that probably doesn’t exist. I guess, given one more year, I’ll let it all go completely and realise that these inklings I’ve had for years that the dream doesn’t exist, these ideas that OSHO speaks of with such clarity and logic, really are the only non-delusional way forward. And these feelings that I have, I often worry how it will affect the budding relationship I’m in which has been the most promising and easy companionship I’ve come across in many many years… because I realise my ideas are often way out there, often a bit scary and not exactly his idea of the dream marriage with kids and all that lovely stuff that he’s alluded to… and its way too early to discuss it I think. Anyway, how would I broach it? I’m not even totally convinced one way or the other. All I know is I failed at two marriages already so I’m already leaning away from it being the answer for me.

Anyway, I hope you got a chance to see the video. Whether or not you’re single, in a relationship or married, its worth a thought or two. Id love to know your thoughts and whether you’re single, married, looking etc, what has worked for you, what hasn’t etc. Or if you’re a believer that the dream is real, because you’re actually LIVING it. That would be awesome too. Of course I want to believe its real. *sigh*

Whatevs.

“…Sex is the most volatile arena for exploring who you are in the world and what you are running away from will typically arise in sex — quickly and in obvious contrast to everything you think you are.”
~Candice Holdorf

YES!

Are you seeing yourself in your partner? Subconsciously we don’t choose our partners because we’ll live happily ever after — because we dont — who does? We keep seeing magazine articles: “Live happily ever after” or “Make it all better” or “What’s wrong with your relationship”, well it’s not. When something’s “wrong” with your relationship it’s SO right, because thats where you break open your soul. Thats where you let go of the triggers of the old wounds. Thats the gift that that person brings to you.

So being able to commit in such a way and intentionally with another person throughout all of your life, not just in the moment, or for a few months or just while youre having sex, or just when you’re getting along, but always committing to taking it higher on a spiritual level, to really looking at yourself, to being willing to be so vulnerable… really its a crucible… the ultimate playground for transformation. And that extends into the bedroom.”

~Light up your Life with Passion & Sensuality~Goddess Oceana
by The Weekly Vibe