Miko blogs: “The term “sexless”, adopted from English, first began to be used in Japan in the early 1990s. But now it is instantly recognizable to Japanese and widely discussed in the media. There are books on the subject and numerous websites, including heartbreaking blogs, while letters on the subject fill agony columns.

One woman writes: “I have been married for a year but we have had sex just a handful of times. I know my husband feels stress at work and don’t want to bother him. But I sometimes doubt he really loves me.”

The reason most commonly cited for lack of sex is tiredness from work. Japanese are famous for the long hours they work and their long commuting journeys. In Japan a marriage is called sexless if the couple does not have sex for at least a month, a period which many Japanese say is too short.

As many as one in five sexless couples say they view sex simply as a nuisance. A small number cite the lack of a private space, because children or elderly parents often sleep just the other side of a paper door.”

Okay, now this is yet another thing that I really thought was normal! In fact, I would go so far as to say that most couples in Japan are sexless (meaning that although they are married, share a home and a bank account, they rarely have sex – with each other) and I assumed that it was natural for couples to stop having sex (with each other) once they started living together. Some poor couples never even get started in the first place, which is part of the reason that the birthrate is so low. Believe me, I have had several women confide in me that they had not once had sex since marriage (with their husbands, that is), and others have told me that they did have sex, but only once a year on average – and yet they don’t contemplate divorce. Married couples are more like friends or siblings these days.

What’s wrong with that?
~ Miko