The Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
Book 1: III
When one must lead, one must lead people back to themselves
Fill their needs but drain their compulsions
Harden their bones but soften their opinions
Where they feel the need to chase after fashion or stand for some cause
Be quiet and listen, so they will speak cautiously and hesitant to act
So long as they are cautious, all things will fall into place.
Chad A. S.
“Fuck, what should I talk about now? We haven’t spoken in ages!â€
So why does one ever feel like that? Certain people you just have a hard to time feeling comfortable with. Who’s fault? It always feels like mine because I don’t feel comfortable.
I don’t think you can start out by being silent and giving space at first, unless the person seems to dictate that you should. For me, it’s how the person verbally responds and with what tone. If the first response makes me feel comfortable, then we’re good.
Also, too much comfort can be a bad thing. Something nathan may have hit on, it makes you complacent. This is why I thought Shawn started making me shake his hand when he came in the door.
quiddity
me too
ClickNathan
Ah, I see.
I guess I just associate being able to sit with someone in silence as the ultimate comfort. If you can be content just being around someone and not feeling like “Fuck, what should I talk about now? We haven’t spoken in ages!” when it’s only been a few minutes, well then for me, you’re right on target.
Quiddity
What I mean by ‘silence and space’ is allowing people freedom to feel silence is ok so there’s no pressure to enter that comfortable state nathan mentions.
ClickNathan
Well I didn’t say anything about them sharing your stuff with other people. I was only referring to a two person conversation.
And if a person isn’t genuine, I doubt you’d feel safe around them. If you knew they weren’t being genuine.
But if you realized that they were, really and truly being truthful and honest with you, well you could determine quite quickly whether or not they’d share your secrets or if you’d be able to communicate an idea with them.
olivia
I’m not sure about that. I know plenty of extremely genuine people who have a habit of sharing their genuine feelings about your problems to other people without realising they’re betraying your trust.
I need to feel safe to open up to someone. But yes, that person needs to be genuine too.
It’s so hard to find people like that.
ClickNathan
Hmmm. Perhaps, but silent and lonely people aren’t much for development.
Better, I’d say, to allow them to feel comfortable. If people know that you’re being genuine, they’re much more apt to reply in a similar fashion.
Quiddity
silence and space are two of the best ways to let people be themselves