“Hello.

My name is Red.

I’m a pig.

Recently I had a supporting role in a television commercial for a major international cellular telephone provider. The commercial was directed by the Perlorian Brothers and written by Mother NY.

Everyone was very nice to me, and I think I did a pretty decent job for my first time on set, but I’ve since learned that I’m scheduled to be slaughtered in a week. This is not good for an actor’s career. I knew it was a non-union job and the residuals weren’t anything to get excited about, but I wasn’t expecting to be hung by my foot and have my throat slit.

Fortunately, my new friends at Reginald Pike, Toronto, Biscuit, L.A., and Mother are working to find me a new home at a petting zoo (despite all this, I love humans). You can help me too by getting a limited edition t-shirt with my picture on it at www.reginaldpike.com

They’re only $20 and proceeds go to my care and feeding.

Please help.”

via Adrants