“Blaming others puts you firmly on the road to ignorance. Blame always excludes the possibility for understanding and healing. It paralyses the conscious mind and disables objective thinking. Blame declares the problem is outside of you, and a mind that believes this, blinds itself to inner illumination.” ~ The Rules of the Game

*** edit ***

In response to Smoky’s comment and out of respect to those who may have found the paragraph offensive, I should put this into more perspective.
Read on…

This is about something quite different It’s about how to take control of one’s own life on a personal level, and move forward after a devastating incident or being let down or wronged, anywhere where blame is preventing us from healing. It’s something I’m personally working on at the moment, to get through a major life change and loss that I had absolutely no control over. I thought it would help to post it, as a reminder to myself, daily. Maybe it will help someone else too.

I’m finding that its the nature of the human mind to immediately look to blame somebody or something whenever anything goes wrong. Blame temporarily relieves us of the responsibility for fixing the problem, or overcoming the loss – just throwing my arms up and complaining about how much it sucks, or crying “Why is this happening to me? Why must I suffer so much because of that person?”. But then when you look at it more closely, in reality this behaviour disables us, it puts that power into someone else’s hands. It makes the problem so much worse than it was to start with. In fact it can poison us for our entire lives with resentment and hatred and beliefs about being unworthy or unlucky, or self pity, and really the only person who suffers from that is the person feeling all those horrible thoughts. In most cases the perpetrator has happily moved on. This does not of course excuse a person who has wronged us for their ignorance or cruelty, but being able to look at a problem with more objectivity, or in some cases the realisation about whatever wrong turns we took to put ourselves at someone’s mercy like that, it frees us from the madness that enslaves us into a life of that downward spiral. It frees us from putting the power into the perpetrators hands for our own happiness.

I am my own problem, my own friend and my own enemy. A well trained mind can be a good friend to you and you will see friends everywhere. You will exude energy that attracts good people and good things into your life, as well as people who treat you with love, kindness and respect. An untrained mind can fall into the trap where it acts like a traitor, always looking at the negative in others and in life, the problems, attracting treacherous people into our life, attracting a whole lot of sorrow, people who mistreat us, people who don’t appreciate our value. We get into the habit of expecting it, and then it happens, over and over.

I am working on making my mind my trusted friend, so that even when I sleep, my subconscious doesn’t torture me with bad dreams or what ifs or the perpetual madness of grief.

After a devastating incident it takes a lot of mental strength to keep working on this daily, but I have found that until this happened to me, to shake me out of my tree, I was too lazy to break out of the bad thinking habits that attracted so much sadness and so many crazy and emotionally destructive incidents into my world.