– The surface area of my butt exposed in a Brazilian bikini is roughly the same size as the rest of my bikini. This is despite Thiago’s efforts to find me a bikini bottom with the most coverage available in Brazil for Christmas. I am now wearing a Brazilian “Grande” sized bikini bottom which despite being a US / Euro Medium makes me feel like a baby whale.

– I was the whitest thing to hit the beaches of Brazil this summer. I am now the reddest.

– they sell condensed milk ice-creams on the beach. You heard that right. Straight up condensed milk. Something I obviously have no power to resist so its not even fair! Condensed milk icelollies together with the completely exposed butt in full midday sun directly from above (and every woman with a sweet-tooth knows what this means) is NOT a winning combination.

– I have about 5 years to find out whatever her incredible secrets are so that I can look roughly the same age as his mom when I’m 40 as she will look at 55. Thiago of course will still look 19. With a beard. Like he always does. His father who I always thought looked incredible for 50 I found out today is 60. Jeez. What the heck? Is it the sun here? Is it the food? Is it a magical plant that I need to eat? I want whatever it is.

– Trying the circuit at the gym behind his mom I realised pretty much immediately, since I could barely move the equipment at her setting, that if I didn’t adjust the weights to about half of what she’s doing, my bones WILL snap.

– It’s impossible to go on a run with her. I have tried and came home limping.

– Olive oil is applied liberally to everything, which is then tossed so that more olive oil can be added, cooked, then olive oil is brought to the dinner table so that everyone can enjoy some food with their olive oil. Thiago applies olive oil directly to my tongue because it’s “yummy!”. Thick slatherings of butter are added to any edges of toast exposed that dont already have cream cheese or something else equally sinful on them. I know better than to pretend I can eat like a Brazilian. Hopefully I never forget!

– Hearing a daughter whine to her father, “but why!?” in Portuguese sounds exactly the same in any language and needs no translation.

– Eating meals with his family is the second funnest part of the day, with intense discussions in loud voices, fists sometimes smashed down on the table, arguments that end in laughter, spoken in two languages back and forth just for me. Lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles shared amongst everyone ALL day long. Its the most belonging and loved I’ve felt anywhere in years.

– These people can cook! some days I eat things that almost make my head explode with happiness.

– Every meal is a grand family affair, with place-settings of layered crockery, cutlery and glassware, prepared all day long and enjoyed for about an hour each sitting.

– And finally, waking up every morning being held by the most gorgeously put together creature I’ve ever laid my eyes on then realising I’m in Brazil… BRAZIL?! The place where he was made… I’m still struggling to get used to this and don’t quite feel like I belong in this dream. What if I cant keep it up? I worry sometimes that I shouldn’t get used to it, that its too good to be true. I worry for at least a second about this every day, but the rest of the time I block it out and realise that everything that has happened in my life, and all this moving around to new places for so many years now has prepared me for precisely this. I’ve decided to fearlessly GO FOR IT!

And just as I’m about to hit publish I was offered a glass of wine. Really? Could life be any tougher?