What if you always took the ‘what if’ path?
I’m just noticing that I don’t recognise my life at all anymore. Nothing feels familiar about it. At all… like I’m living a totally alternate ‘what if’ life.
Every day I face new opportunities that could be viewed as huge and sometimes unacceptable challenges to my old ways of thinking. Some of them are my dream and fantasy situations, some of them are my partner’s, all of them come to reality almost as soon as we voice them, because one of us jumps in with no looking back followed by the other. None of them are practical in ways that fit into life in a neat and easy way. I notice my mind resisting a lot, then my heart opens, the pain and discomfort goes away and is replaced by new joys and a connectedness that I never imagined possible… then my mind rewires to a totally new way of thinking and I go through a few emotionally jumbled days during which something else challenging and amazing happens.
I’m trying to figure out if the discomfort I’m feeling is because of the lack of familiarity and perceived control for my mind to take ease in or if its my inner guide voicing that I’m living out of alignment with my true self. It is interesting living the ‘what if’ scenario life with another who asks the same questions and dives in with me. Its been amazing facing some of my deepest fears head on to see who I really am underneath the ideas of who I should be, or who my partner should be, or what our relationship should be.
I sometimes wonder whether this course I’m on is sustainable. I keep on trusting my open heart in the mean time and believe that no matter what it leads me through, its for my best development. And I hope that also in some way it is contributing to the liberation of all of us.
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From Dear Pema…..
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can That which is indestructible be found in us.
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.
as long as we believe that things last and don’t disintegrate, that they can be our blanket of security-Suffering as humans is inevitable.
Life is constant movement, transition, change. Accepting This, the groundlessness when that blanket is yanked out from our feet-Relaxing in the midst of chaos to realize the annihilation into rebirth.
For spiritual warriors, or for people who have a hunger to know what is true: feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, anger, jealousy, fear, irritation, resentment are messengers that show us exactly where we’re stuck and holding back.
Events and people in our lives who trigger unresolved issues could be regarded as good news- a perfect teacher and opportunity to face that threat and fear with openness and compassion- to face death head-on to make room for new life.